Brad and Angelina did not get married according to People Magazine.

Now they're just doing it on purpose.

You know, everyone keeps saying Angie's gonna have twins. I say she has a tummy full of clowns that are just gonna pop out in a few months with signs that say "Just Kidding!" in rainbow colors.

Bigger media whores than that Kim Kardashian chick. Only with careers.

So sad. 

Star magazine, OK! Magazine and numerous sources are reporting that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were married in New Orleans today. No word on what tattoo she got to commemorate the occasion or if she pulled Shiloh out of hiding for the ceremony. 

This is the second marriage for Brad and the third for Angelina. 

OMG kids, this is HUGE! I can't believe that I'm gone this long and THIS is what I come back to.

Welcome back, Kitty. Welcome back, indeed.

Details to come... 

Halle Berry and her gorgeous man-candy boyfriend Gabriel Aubrey welcomed a baby girl today, effectively making them the prettiest family ever, and the rest of the world ridiculously ugly in comparison.

No name has been released yet and, considering how long it's taking these days to see babies after they've been born, you can bet your keister that no pics of the little princess (man, girls are taking over Hollywood, y'all!) have been released either.

So, Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubrey...yeah, I want you to look at this picture very very carefully, and remember it when you get the news that Christina Aguilera's head exploded from insane jealousy at Halle's baby being way prettier than hers.

Congrats to the happy, beautiful couple!!! 

There's supposed to be a mob movie premiering on Lifetime called Wisegal with Alyssa Milano. Good to see she's finally playing the role she was meant to play her whole life. So now we know what Alyssa Milano's really been doing all this time. Yay!

In honor of that, they're playing a whole lotta mob movies, so I'm  taking a break from our regularly scheduled blogging to let you all know that the greatest movie ever, Goodfellas, is on Lifetime right now.

Ray Liotta is AWESOME! 

Here is what is claimed to be the first pic of Mr. Swayze since his pancreatic cancer diagnosis. I'm no oncologist, and I'm definitely not a genius, people, but my guess is that when you're undergoing rigorous chemotherapy treatment for pancreatic cancer, a cancer that kills over 75% of its victims after the first year, well, you really wanna make sure you're not doing things like smoking and stuff. 

Word is that the cancer in Patrick's case was actually caused by his three-pack-a-say habit. Ick. That's a whole lotta smoking. I'm wondering how his wife is kissing him. I'm guessing his breath doesn't smell like flowers.

Ugh. Why must he keep ruining my fantasies with his humanity and stuff. Stupid real life! 

My favorite famous Brit, 'Riches' star Minnie Driver, announced on The Tonight Show that she's pregnant. No word on the identity of the father, although I am secretly hoping that it's Eddie Izzard because he's awesome and cool and gorgeous and I wanna have his babies, so it's only natural for every other woman in the world to want to do so as well. But I digress...

There are rumblings that it is Criss Angel, that magician levitating guy that just makes me wanna reach out and cut/wash his hair every time I see him.

Ew. I really hope she's not pregnant by him. That baby will have the greasiest hair EVER.